What happened in between?

Its been a while. Hello. For some random reason I feel like writing. I think this has got to do with procrastination. I am supposed to be working on my final year dissertation, but, oh well. Its almost three years, and I am graduating soon. The last time I blogged on a daily basis was about three years ago. Amazing.

I was here a week or a few days ago. And read my old posts. Almost half of those random posts that I picked - I have no idea what I was talking and ranting about. But that was interesting, and it seems almost that the person who posted here a few years back is a completely different person. I was ruthless! Audacious. Free expressionist? Not that I am less of that now, but I am careful. Why? I do not know.

So anyway, between now and 2 to 3 years back. I realise I don't really openly talk about most of the things that's happened in between. Its one hell of a rollacosta ride.

I have never mentioned of the break up. Not that I remember of? Yeah, the last time I blogged daily I had a boyfriend. Well, yer, so what happened? I am not quite sure where the (my) feelings went. They just left? Its hard to believe. And that's a not-good-enough answer, but that was my reason. But I don't quite remember what really happened to all those feelings, because after that we don't really talk about it. And I don't even talk about it. Well I do talk about it to my close friends, but I don't really question, sit and think 'til I explode. Ok. Scrap that. I think I forgot, because I let myself forget. And the reason to why I did not just backspace the whole sentence is because I am not sure too, it may be that, it may be this. But I guess they just left. Other things? We do not talk about 'other things' that relates to us. We still talk, but rarely though. Even if we do, we pretend like all this never happened. I am such a girl. Its funny how I first thought (with an-above-average expectation) that we would still talk as often and as normal as we used to be. Man, we practically almost became strangers.  Ha. Its sad. There are still questions. Of course there are, I'm human. Humans are curious by nature. All is good though. Its just unbelievable how it ends, or how I do not remember.

So basically my update and explanation sucks, because I do not remember half of the thing that happened, unless I dig into my e-mails, which I do not have the intention to. Because I do not want to. Thankyouverymuchos (;

I'm pretty sure I'd explain better if I wrote this a few years ago. I'm old. Haha! That's one matter told. So what else happened in between?


I shall continue this next time. I have a dissertation due in a week. Cheers!

One Year

Assalamualaikum. Hello?

I am updating just because I felt like it. To be honest I do miss this blog. I was just reading through a few of the most recent (apparently, over a year+ ago) posts here, where I sounded somewhat normal. Yes I have moved to another blog, with less active reader, but I have also started another blog, because I am going through a tough time. I HAVE ISSUES. I know! People are welcomed to wonder why did I even start a blog if I don't want it to be read. Because I'm wondering about the same thing too. Its silly. But its just how it is with me. Pfft.

I forgot when did I first start this blog, or how old I was at the time. But anyway, a few days ago I asked my brother how old he was, 17? Yeah, and he asked the same, and told him to guess. He said I was 24 - and keep in mind this was just a few days ago, very recent, might as well happen now. 24? -.-"

Why thank you. But I was 21 at the time, and I still am. FYI.

This is my Mojo - He is in Newcastle at the moment. Well, he is obviously dirty in this picture, I let him lose to walk around the house one day and then lost him, and eventually found him many hours later. Which is absolutely normal. Never knew where he goes, but he always comes back with dirt all over him. Haa! I miss him (:

The adapter in my room isn't functioning right.

Look at the sky so high

Hey babe,

I don't think there's anyone left in this world still reading or regularly checking out this blog, kan? I've moved. Eh have I mentioned that before? There you go - I don't even remember what my last post here was about. I just need some space, this blog was active before, back when I thought I was a diva and back when my life's too perfect to keep to myself, and when I was slightly egotistical that I simply look straight up, so strong, because nothing were to pull me down, sharp-tongued and a couple of times controversial. Haha! But hey I've grown up (:

And an acquaintance, whom I no longer talk to (smile saja, tapi awkward) because of one of my very straight-forward post. I bitch, and I can bitch bad. But all that, is unnecessary. I've grown to realise that. I am still the same - I still think freely, and openly - but perhaps a better person than I was in the yesters. I remember I've removed some contents and posts from this blog because there were too many eyes out there. Its just too much for me, that this place can no longer carry and display my thoughts, which often, are free and maybe, sometimes, controversial. And I had come to a point where I felt these walls I dwell in were completely invisible. That it was simply, just uncomfortable. It contradicts the objectives of having a blog in the first place, doesn't it?

So, basically the whole chunk of text says: uncomfortable, was the reason.

Because I've changed into a better person in the process. That I no longer enjoy too much attention - and to look back at how I used to post, and the way I express myself now, they differ. When I thought back, I said what was I thinking? It somewhat feels weird to post in the same place. Because I want to start over new (:

So I guess I'll leave this place. But to completely delete this blog, is something else - there's so much memories, so many stories. Phases of my life that I have gone through, ones I might not even remember now, and I'd like to smile back, at how my life was back then. So I'll still come back every now and then, maybe drop something to say.

Stay out of trouble (: (:

Insya Allah by Maher Zain

Assalamualaikum. I have moved to another blog with a lot much lesser viewers and readers, but I will still update this one every now and then. This is such a beautiful song. Masyallah (:

Turn to Allah - he is not too far away. Show me the way. InsyAllah we'll find our way (':

SUP!

Oh my! World, am I that horrible at updates? The fact that my words had been, at most time, controversial, along with the public eyes, were the last thing that I seek now, so I moved on to some place more reserved, where I can express myself so freely without having to hurt a soul. I have grown up to seek solace in myself, to escape attention, away from those readers finding entertainment in the ups and downs of my life. And now my life has pretty much changed, this country, this language, this freedom. So huge. Such a mess. I miss my mother. Despite all this filth of the world, I am so grateful for where I stand, with the others that have strayed well away from faith. I have my own faults and blunders too, but I've learnt to fight. And this mess, are better left unexplained.

and smile, don't cry (:

Deep down I beg and I pray for God to guide me, to hold me. To remind me, jaga iman. Everyday, every second - hold on to the faith I so dearly embrace, take it slow, it will grow again. Amin. Assalamualaikum (':

Is there a sense of envy when you see people with strong grips on their faith? And I feel like a cripple when they talk passionately about the holy book of Allah that they effortlessly put me in awe, when they spoke of what each Arabic verse meant in our mother tongue so we can understand.

And sometimes you see the beautiful world you live in, the freedom you are capable of exploiting, what do you do? But I am thankful, for the way I am raised. That some things are of no interest to me.

I have just finished catching up on lectures I have missed this week, and yes - two lectures missed in two days. Ain't so cool, mate. The first lecture missed was because I overslept, and the second one was, because I overslept..?

Alright, so Lauri pointed out today. Oh, articles extracted from the BBC thanks ;)

The orange line shows the price we are paying, and the blue one is the wholesale gas price. Crazy world we are living in yes? Well, you Bruneians be thankful, always.

Assalamualaikum everybody.